MIA !

Lot of thing happen & my heart unable to take it .
I tend to cry in my heart but noone know .
All i know was to cry secretly .
I'm a useless .
I afraid of everything .
I have no gut to do anything .
I feel like killing myself .
I thought of opening the window & jump down but i afraid of pain .
I thought of drink-ing shampoo or detergent but no gut to drink .
I thought of runing away from home but i couldn't bear to leave my mom .
I thought of quit-ing school .
ITE haven start , i'm already stress .
I ate 36 diet pill .
I feel like vomiting .
While bath-ing , i cry .
Sister heard it .
But none of them seem to care .
I ask-ed dad to accompany me to ITE but he told me not to worry , the people there will tell me what to do .
I ask-ed friend to accompany me but none of them willing .
I really very stress .
I really hope tomorrow will not come .
Just hope time will stop .
But it's impossible .
Why can't my mom understand me ?
My stomach hurt now .
I have a weak stomach .
That time ate 9 diet pill .
Hais .
I felt so useless .
Only dead can stop all my stress & unhappy thing .
Actually want-ed to eat 48 diet pill but ate 36 & feel like vomiting .
Can god or whoever just grant my wish ?
Don't worry .
I will try to eat another 12 more .
All i can do is to hurt myself .
& nothing else i could do .
I thought i understand my mom but now i can't understand her at all .
All she know was to scold me .
Never hear my explaination .
I feel life geting meaningless .
No more reason to live anymore .
NO MORE NO MORE !
I starting to hate myself .
My stomach hurt .
I feel like vomiting .

Edit-ed Post *

Now 1.25 am .
I still can't sleep .
Feel like vomit but can't .
Hais .