I fuck-ing sad & no mood . D:
Woke up at 7 plus am .
Down for breakfast with mom .
Ate carrot cake & drink soya bean .
Kana force to drink soys bean .
Mom don't let me drink cold drink / coconut drink .
Only allow me drink cold soya bean .
Home-d & lappy .
Mom went to salon for a wash .
She wan't us to bath & go out .
End up it all a lie .
Yesterday , she promise to go out but now she say her leg pain .
Why she break promise ?
Why ? Why ? Why ?
I cry & fall asleep .
Sister wake me up to go out .
But i don't wan't .
Mom PROMISE to go out .
Guess what ?
End up she go out don't know with who .
Why she went out when she say her leg pain ?
Why don't rather go out with me than going out with other ?
Cry again .
Eye swollen & hurt .
I hurt myself by use-ing my fingernail to scratch myself .
Hurt-ing myself is nothing .
Cause what hurt the most is my HEART !
Now the scratch-ing mark is still with me .
Maple-d & cook maggie .
Sister home-d & second sister was eat-ing .
Small sister never eat .
So she was hungry .
Wait-ed for second sister eat finish & cab to tampines mall .
Treat my small sister eat swensens .
She order fish & chip , second sister order ice cream & me order root beer .
Fish & chip was place-d infront of me .
._. Why me ?
$ 30 for this meal .
Head-ed to arcade .
Use-d finish the money in the card .
See my sister face like wan't to play more so top up another $ 10 .
After that went zinc to see bag as i want to buy small sling bag .
I saw one bag which i quite like it .
My sister say okok niahs .
So wait-ed for mom to come & see the bag .
But end-ed she went to see what to buy for boss birthday .
I choose a bag for boss quite nice .
Mom pay for it .
So i ask her to see the bag i want-ed .
She say not nice .
I feel that she didn't even see it .
Why she care she much what to buy for boss instead help-ing me to see ?
Went out of zinc & wait-ed for them .
I dam upset & want-ed to cry but i hold back .
Mom show my face / eye red & she say come out with me so suay .
I was hurt by what she say .
So i walk-ed home by myself without tell-ing them .
Walk-ing in the dark all alone .
I was scare cause i never walk alone in the dark before .
I cry again .
Think-ing all the promise she made was fake .
That time , i iron all the clothes till quite late & she ask-ed what i want to buy .
So the next day going to orchard , in the train i say she promise to buy me thing .
But she say never .
All fake .
& today she buy food for sister say-ing small sister yesterday never eat .
She ate 2 char siew bao .
Me lehhs ?
3 sotong ball only .
Why she care so much for my sister ?
Then me lehhs ?
Am i her daughter ?
Walk-ing home really think alot of thing .
I feel so unlove-d .
I don't feel any love from family & friend .
Reach home but no key so sit-ed outside of the house .
I feel like jump-ing down & die or even alive but memory lose .
Isn't that better ?
If i die also nothing one .
I feel i'm totally a useless in this world .
I die or never die also noone will care .
Why should i think of them before think-ing of myself ?
I think that even i die even there is funeral also noone will attend .
Even got people attend only come & go .
Sit-ed outside for about 20 minutes .
It was cold & all little tiny red dot pop out in my leg & hand .
Whatever they doing , they won't think of me .
But whatever i do , i will think of them before i do .
Now i liv-ing all alone in the darkness .
Noone would be there for me .
NOONE ! .
Why when need me then come to me ?
Then don't need me & leave me aside .
What am i to all of you ?
There a few time i wan-ed to jump down .
Alot of thing hide inside my heart .
Put-ing a fake smile .
There one time i want to pass all my money to my mom & jump down .
But i didn't .
Noone care about my feel-ing .
NOONE !
I'm just a rubbish or should say extra in this world .
I get hurt from everyone .
I still remember what dad & mom say that hurt me .
& what zhiying & tianxin write on blog that hurt me .
Yea , i still remember but i kept it in my heart .
What can i do ?
All i can do is to cry silent-ly without anyone notice .
Even they notice also just hack care .
OK , i shall stop here .
I don't want to continue cry-ing again .
Woke up at 7 plus am .
Down for breakfast with mom .
Ate carrot cake & drink soya bean .
Kana force to drink soys bean .
Mom don't let me drink cold drink / coconut drink .
Only allow me drink cold soya bean .
Home-d & lappy .
Mom went to salon for a wash .
She wan't us to bath & go out .
End up it all a lie .
Yesterday , she promise to go out but now she say her leg pain .
Why she break promise ?
Why ? Why ? Why ?
I cry & fall asleep .
Sister wake me up to go out .
But i don't wan't .
Mom PROMISE to go out .
Guess what ?
End up she go out don't know with who .
Why she went out when she say her leg pain ?
Why don't rather go out with me than going out with other ?
Cry again .
Eye swollen & hurt .
I hurt myself by use-ing my fingernail to scratch myself .
Hurt-ing myself is nothing .
Cause what hurt the most is my HEART !
Now the scratch-ing mark is still with me .
Maple-d & cook maggie .
Sister home-d & second sister was eat-ing .
Small sister never eat .
So she was hungry .
Wait-ed for second sister eat finish & cab to tampines mall .
Treat my small sister eat swensens .
She order fish & chip , second sister order ice cream & me order root beer .
Fish & chip was place-d infront of me .
._. Why me ?
$ 30 for this meal .
Head-ed to arcade .
Use-d finish the money in the card .
See my sister face like wan't to play more so top up another $ 10 .
After that went zinc to see bag as i want to buy small sling bag .
I saw one bag which i quite like it .
My sister say okok niahs .
So wait-ed for mom to come & see the bag .
But end-ed she went to see what to buy for boss birthday .
I choose a bag for boss quite nice .
Mom pay for it .
So i ask her to see the bag i want-ed .
She say not nice .
I feel that she didn't even see it .
Why she care she much what to buy for boss instead help-ing me to see ?
Went out of zinc & wait-ed for them .
I dam upset & want-ed to cry but i hold back .
Mom show my face / eye red & she say come out with me so suay .
I was hurt by what she say .
So i walk-ed home by myself without tell-ing them .
Walk-ing in the dark all alone .
I was scare cause i never walk alone in the dark before .
I cry again .
Think-ing all the promise she made was fake .
That time , i iron all the clothes till quite late & she ask-ed what i want to buy .
So the next day going to orchard , in the train i say she promise to buy me thing .
But she say never .
All fake .
& today she buy food for sister say-ing small sister yesterday never eat .
She ate 2 char siew bao .
Me lehhs ?
3 sotong ball only .
Why she care so much for my sister ?
Then me lehhs ?
Am i her daughter ?
Walk-ing home really think alot of thing .
I feel so unlove-d .
I don't feel any love from family & friend .
Reach home but no key so sit-ed outside of the house .
I feel like jump-ing down & die or even alive but memory lose .
Isn't that better ?
If i die also nothing one .
I feel i'm totally a useless in this world .
I die or never die also noone will care .
Why should i think of them before think-ing of myself ?
I think that even i die even there is funeral also noone will attend .
Even got people attend only come & go .
Sit-ed outside for about 20 minutes .
It was cold & all little tiny red dot pop out in my leg & hand .
Whatever they doing , they won't think of me .
But whatever i do , i will think of them before i do .
Now i liv-ing all alone in the darkness .
Noone would be there for me .
NOONE ! .
Why when need me then come to me ?
Then don't need me & leave me aside .
What am i to all of you ?
There a few time i wan-ed to jump down .
Alot of thing hide inside my heart .
Put-ing a fake smile .
There one time i want to pass all my money to my mom & jump down .
But i didn't .
Noone care about my feel-ing .
NOONE !
I'm just a rubbish or should say extra in this world .
I get hurt from everyone .
I still remember what dad & mom say that hurt me .
& what zhiying & tianxin write on blog that hurt me .
Yea , i still remember but i kept it in my heart .
What can i do ?
All i can do is to cry silent-ly without anyone notice .
Even they notice also just hack care .
OK , i shall stop here .
I don't want to continue cry-ing again .
Comments